“Life right now” posts give me poetic license to just ramble. There’s no particular theme to it all. There’s no dramatic crescendo – so sorry to leave you hanging if that’s what you came here looking for. It’s more a bit like being on the couch with me, with feet folded under our bums, one hand animatedly gesturing and echoing my words, whilst the other hand caressing a wine glass, or mug of coffee (depending on how tired I am) – and the mind just flows forth with mutterings of…well, our life right now. Our highs, lows, laughs and ponderings. Hope you stay a while for them…I promise I make a great cuppa, or will only serve the best wine. So pull in and get comfy!
I’ve probably typed these first few paragraphs up and deleted them over and over. Mostly because I’m struggling to find a way to put into words exactly what life is like right now. I have a feeling I probably won’t succeed, but I can come close. Given our recent pregnancy loss and frightening times of having to relive another horrifying episode like this with Parker-Grace again (except only a million times worse), we’re still rolling with the punches. But it feels as if pieces of me are strewn all over the place, with life still plodding along. And there’s us, trying to keep up. We’re good on the outside, but the fingernail grip we have is starting to show.
So I struggle partly because I am utterly and properly exhausted – forming a sentence in everyday life right now is already quite a stretch- and I swear I’m this close to throwing a proper hissy fit complete with snot en trane for someone to just come take care of me a little bit. (a common parental fantasy, I suppose.) But I struggle also because this could so easily turn into a “motherhood/parenting is hard” post, and I don’t actually want it to. Yes, it is hard. Freaking hard. And Im getting a healthy dose of parental ass-kicking right now. But that’s not what’s stiring inside me right now. Continue reading