To our littlest one who came with the thunder, shook me to my core, then sent your father and myself through the rush of pure exhilaration and joy, and then plunged us into the sweetest surrender of overwhelming love…
I can never forget the magic you spun around every one of us day, in those first few short moments of your life. It was like your love came crashing over us, as only the most powerful force in this life could…And now 12 months later, that very magic that you wove, continues to spin in every fibre of this family.
Your smile is so bright, only perfectly complemented by the twinkle in your eyes when you do.
Your energy is exuberant, and undeniably contagious. You truly are a pure delight!
For even in the darkest of nights, when my bones creak with the exhaustion that’s deeply pressed in them, and the movement from your crib rouses me from my rest; Even with the grumpiest of mumbles that ever so often cloud my thoughts and beg for more sleep, I cannot but perk up when I see your face smiling back at me. You not only light up the room, my baby girl, but my heart as well. When you look to me, I inexplicably find the strength to not only carry on, but to enjoy it as I do.
It is near insane to think that you have this effect on me,given the known constraints of the human body, but my soul speaks clearly and honestly of this connection, and I hope it never ends. You move me, my girl. In ways I never thought possible. And whilst it’s very true that I love every single one of our children, with you each being so uniquely special, I can’t deny the way you have enraptured us all – your sisters included. And I couldn’t possibly try to explain this charm of yours, but as our rainbow baby, I think there may not be any need to explain it at all. For you have truly lived up to the Rainbow baby stereotype…you are our continuous silver lining after our storm. Our love after our loss. And the spark in our hearts.
Coco, my darling, you are smart – and whilst you do not yet wield the English language quite a niftily as your sisters did at this age, it is crystal clear that your brain is busy firing synapses all day long. You love to read.
And you really love to play games – especially ones that have us chase you! (You and Morgan have the sweetest time as she crawls after you, while you, near paralyzed with laughter and excitement can barely get away. You also have this cute trick, where you pretend to hand our goods back to us, stating “ta”, only for you to retract it and make a getaway whilst giggling your head off. Although, sometimes you belly laugh so much that you can barely crawl away.)
You really love to laugh. You are so sweet, and just so, so happy! You still love dancing, and have added shoulder shaking, and one hand pumping to your dancing repertoire. And yes, you are still like a moth to the flame when it comes to music. But we have since moved on from having to blast Foo Fighters to get you to sleep as a baby, and are now indulging your Drake obsession. Although, ironically, you still get overly excited about Daft Punk’s Lose yourself to dance. And I love how you just join your sisters and I in the lounge for our random dance parties, like you’ve always just been a part them. I cant wait to see what that scene will look like five years from now!
Also, it’s no secret that I’m an absolute sucker for you. We all are, in fact. I’ve made no bones about how ineffectual I’ve been with keeping any sort of rules with you. Maybe it’s the years that have softened me, maybe I’ve grown a bit weary…or maybe it’s just the disarming effect of you…Who’s to know? But you have us wrapped right around your whole finger, and we’re so ok with it.
Oh, baby girl, I have countless hopes and dreams for you, and in your eyes I see endless possibilities. But mostly I feel the fire within you to charge forth and make any and all of your desires a reality.
Don’t forget though, that whilst there is great beauty, and amazing experiences in this life to savour and enjoy; And there are a great many talents to attain, and skills to hone, and along the way, you may find a long line of accolades to collect and perhaps a few self-imposed achievements to attain. But never forget that none of that/nothing in this world is of much worth, if you cannot be of service to others as well. Never forget. And even if that may not make much sense to you now, I pray that you will reach a point in your life that it does.
Also, I want you to know that I believe that as child of God, made in His image, He has placed in you – in all of us – the ability to create your own reality. Never forget that. And that I as your parent, will do my utmost to remind you, and your siblings, of your worth; that you are already enough. That you are glorious and loved. And I will continue to fill your cup in this life with that understanding, and firm grasp of the being that you all are, so that one day you will be able to keep your own cup topped up. Without me. And despite what the world may say.
There’s still so much I want to say, but i fear my words will continue to fall flat, and will never do justice to the love I have for you. But if you can feel it in your heart – when I gaze at you, or hold against my skin- if you can feel even if only a bit of it, then you may come to understand, the true depths of my heart. You are so loved, Yuriko-Mae!
Happy First birthday, my littlest Beasty!