Guys. I’m going to level with you – the nightmares I’ve had about this birth have made me feel a little anxious about this birth. And not like in the way of “oh, my gawd, birth is terrifying” – because if you knew me, or have followed along on this blog for any decent amount of time, you’d know that I only have happy thoughts and googoo eyes about birth. In fact, I see labour as one big day of celebration, happy dances and joy.
I know, not what you would normally hear – in fact, one of my dearest friends said at lunch the other day, “geez, it would only be Tracey that saw labour as one big party”. But it’s true. I do. Morgy’s birth was filled with happy dances (Mike in a particular), lots of great snacks & drinks, music, dancing, jokes and laughter. And it was a bloody lonnnnng labour at that too. And well, Parker-Grace’s birth was quieter and much shorter, but still just as lovely and peaceful and joyful. Both marked with Mike and my conscious mind of what a celebration this should be, and to soak it all in.
So, I think you may then understand why there are layers to my nightmares:
First up, I feel like Im still juggling a thousand and one balls (said every mother, ever). And not really getting a chance to get going with all the prep. I mena this is not just a hospital birth like it was with the other two, where all I do is rock up and breath that baby out. Nope. Now with a home birth, I have to ensure my home is prepped, equipped, that all tools and equipment is at hand, and that the configs in my house are all sorted and suitable. Not only that, but I wanted/needed to ensure that I’ve touched base with my darling birth photog.
Also the fact that I hardly see my gynae or midwife in this pregnancy. (I’m classified as low risk and they generally know what my birth patterns are like by now, so there’s no need to see me every month or two). Meaning that I wasn’t exactly being surrounded by all things birth. Not much reminders to ensure I stay focussed on getting things done and prepped in that way of things. So I think my subconscious mind went into a bit of panic mode, and tried to get me going in the best way it could: nightmares!!!
But not nightmares of me tripping over nothing as a masked chainsaw wielding dude slowy approaches me. Nope. I’m talking about how my birth goes down. In my dream, it’s all so sudden and so so freakin’ fast! Like so fast, I don’t get a chance to call the midwife or my photog. There’s just this intensity, Mike catches baby and BOOM; There’s a baby in my arms. All so bloody intense, and such a blur, and not even a photog there who would have helped me retrace my steps through her documentation and actually get to see the details of that miraculous moment. But instead, nada!
Now that might sound like bliss to some – a super speedy labour that almost doesn’t even register- but as you read up top there, that’s just not my jam. And mostly because I felt like, in my dream, I just didn’t have a chance to process it all. The birth. Mentally or spiritually. And maybe even a little robbed of something; Something that would prepare me for the intense newborn journey ahead. And so I wake up in a panic, slightly gasping. And then the mental to do list gets whipped out, and I kiss all chances of further sleep good bye. Because Im already getting such awesome sleep right now – NOT!
Anyhoo, so I thought the only way to stop these panic-laden thoughts was to get going on that to do list.
First up, I called up Marysol, and solidified a coffee date with her.
Next up, hiring of a birth pool. This is something I should have hauled ass on long ago- these babies get booked up just as quickly as midwives themselves. But fortunately, midwife Lana of BirthWorx SA had my back. Unfortunately, our taps didnt quite play with. Yes, our actual taps in our home did not seem to be the standard taps that would fit the hose that leads to the birthing pool. Who’da thunk?! Cue all the googling on tap fittings and adapters that was humanly possible by me. Long story short, it was a bit of a saga, but Lana managed to get a hold of some new adaptors I showed her, and fortunately our tap filters could be removed. In all honestly, I didnt for once think that a simple thing like a hose or filling up the birth pool would require such research, thinking and preparation. So much so, that I will most definitely do a post on it for anyone out there who might need it.
Even things like the drought, and the new level 4b water restrictions that have been instroduced, jusssst in time for this birth (yay- Not!) The thinking is that firstly we use so well below the average household’s water consumption anyway, that alot of people have been aking us HOW we do it. Truth is, we’ve been living that water-sparing life for probably a year before the drought was even declared. So we’re very used to it. Then also, the thing is, whether Im at home or at the hospital, Im going to be using that amount of water in anycase. So, all things have been considered for sure.
Then we’ve been tackling the house bit by bit. Like literally bit by bit. Mostly because when you have pubis dysfunction (which is essentially your pelvis ripping apart as you try to walk, move or breathe) it’s pretty hard to get anything done. Let’s not even talk about the fact that I have to walk a few blocks to work – it has literally become a psychological warfare with myself everyday when I wake up for work in the mornings. Just the mere thought of having to make that walk (and back) is often enough to make me want to lose the will to live. (Dramatic much? Ok, fine, then just enough to douse any career ambition fires I had in me)
But we’ve managed to clear out both girls rooms – cause in case you were wondering from the last “sleep hell” post, they’re back into their own rooms again. And we;ve started each room kind of from scratch. Which is a lot more work than I initially thought. But we’re trying to do it all on a shoe string budget, so we’re looking at incorporating small things that don’t cost the earth, but will have a decent impact. Like just enough for what we’re trying to do. I’ll definitely share all of that once it’s done – if it ever gets done. And then if baby also lets me 😉
We’ve also cleared the nursery of all that was “the era of baby Parker-Grace”. So it’s essentially a blank slate right now. And I have ideas for it. Unfortunately, I just don’t have the ability to walk and source all these things that I need to make it a reality. Im going for a fresh, green and white look. (Or maybe some sparce florals, but basiucally a clean, simple and fresh is what Im trying for. So easy to maintain indoor plants that hang nicely, or Mother in law tongue type of plants. And if anyone knows where I can locally source crib fitted sheets with a pretty green print or anything with delicious monster prints or ferns on it – holler at me!!
And yes, in case you were wondering, basically I’m in full nesting mode – much more this the third time, than in the previous times. So much so, I’ve also tackled a bit of the kitchen, scullery and dining room. Obviously, all only tackled quarter way – cause that’s how long I can normally last before the seering pain in my pubis and back make me tap out. With the result, our entire house now is a complete mess – fantastic. I reassured Mike that it will first get worse before it gets better. But in all honesty, I’m not sure I can bank that cheque.
So if you were to ever to come visit us, understand that you may have to wade through a bunch of crap just to get to our lounge. And then possibly do some sort of window wiping move with your arm to get some space on our couch. You’ve been warned… Ok, maybe it’s not that bad, but lets just say, our home is nowhere near baby ready here. And that’s ok. Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself, as I step over piles of goodies that need to be sorted.
Also, we’ve managed to squeeze in a guided unborn session with our little Coconut over one weekend recently. And it was pretty amazing. Ever heard of Mama Bamba? Well, if you’re pregnant, you should totally look into it. Now, this might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you were of the means to do this, I would highly recommend it. Even more so, if you feel like you’re just not able to feel connected to your unborn child. But really, it’s for everyone. There’s nothing quite like the current state you are in when you have a life growing within you. An opportunity to be so fully connected to these little beings that are still halfway between this world and the spirit world. These beings- your babies- are wiser beyond what we often give them credit for. It’s like I told my best friend with my first pregnancy, being pregnant is possibly like the closest thing you’d have to a direct line to heaven, with these heavenly gifts growing inside of you, still fully connected to all that endless knowingness and love, all judgement free. I’ll definitely share more of this with you soon. But seriously preggos, at the very least, just read the book!
Oh and by the way, eventually did meet up with my birth photog, Marysol, and just like that the nightmares stopped. As always, it was a good chatting to her, and she set my mind at ease about everything -settled on our shoot dates and all the other details. But what I really wasn’t prepared for, which in fact, kind of knocked me off my feet a bit was Parker-Grace’s reaction to her. (in case you’re new around here, Marysol captured Parker Grace’s birth). Parker, my extremely slow to warm-up child, my wild-yet-cautious-when-it-comes-to-others child, didn’t event bat an eyelid and ran straight to talk to Marysol. And spoke like she’s known her forever. It’s like she remembered her since birth. It was beautiful. Hope Marysol knows how unprecedented that was.
Anyhoo, so as you can tell, we are getting things done. And it feels good. Albeit at a slower pace than my nesting hormones would like. Soon it’ll also be time for me to finish up at work as well. 37 weeks TODAY, yo!