Note: This was written and supposed to be posted on the evening of the 5th July already. However, clearly I was in too much of a hurry to get celebrating to even note that I did in fact NOT publish it. Only realised that today. So here you go, a late birthday post.
As with so many of my other birthdays, this one arrived a little unannounced. Like a suprise package. (Save for hubby’s divine breakfast in bed he always brings me.) Don’t ask me how, because, Lawd knows how anyone can let their birthday slip their mind. But it does. Every year. Well, almost. Maybe my love for suprises runs so deep that I try to suprise myself by suppressing the knowledge of my own birthday? Who knows. But thanks to my Chiro this past Monday for reminding me!
He even asked what my plans were, and I was like, “well a few months ago I had grand plans, but I forgot. (Ever happen to you? Happens to me all the time.) And now I only have two days left to think of something. Snap!“. So yeah, nothing really big planned. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some birthdays – even my own. I usually look forward to it with the same excitement as that of a little kid. But you know how this parenting gig goes – it’s all consuming. And alot of those peripheral fun bits of you tend to get mounted and then usurped by all the other demands of life. Sure, they get to make a guest appearances now and again – ok, alot more than that. But on the whole when choices need to be made, we all know the responsible choices are where its at.
But here I am, pouring a bit of myself out after completing my 37th trip around the sun. Reflecting.Last trip I learnt that I have limited myself (& we all tend to) as to what I deserve, what I should become, what I should be doing career-wise, and what I can achieve in life. Whereas, the real secret to it all is that we can do, be, become, achieve and deserve anything we truly desire. There are no boxes you need to put yourself into. I mean i freakin hate that box concept, don’t you? I hated it when people tried to put me in a box, or even just listened to them trying and put others in a box – probably just to satisfy their own limited mindset. And yet, subconsciously, I was boxing myself in. Social conditioning?Probably. But the things is, the world is truly one’s oyster. One just has to have the faith to allow it to happen. That was last year, and I opened myself up to change…And boy did that change come. Sure, not tidal wave status kinda change, but the change came to exactly what I had put out there.
So, what did I learn in this 37th trip? Well, that its alot harder to keep that faith. And that’s where most mortals stumble. Because, duh, it’s hard to keep the faith and the good vibes up, when you’re staring hard times in the face. And sure, you’re trying to be all warrior like, but you’re also dealing with heavy case of sleep deprivation thanks to your kids recent sleep shenanigans. And oh, hey, you’ve got another work deadline, while trying to navigate the sheer and utter pain of Pubic Symphasis Dysfunction, or first trimester extreme fatigue, or just good old porridge brain (which has actually been a real thing for this time around). Or, or, or <insert the myrid of life challenges that pop up like daisies). Life gets real. Real fast.And it's so easy at these dire times to merely surcome to the notion that it's all for naught, and "what's the point?!"
But the real nugget that I have learnt, is to accept that this is often the rhythm of life. And that yes it can be hard, and yes, it truly can suck when it feels like you're coming up short all the time. And like, oh just boohoo with all my efforts. I mean who hasn't felt like life sometimes just gets a kick out of handing you a "bag of toffees" when you least need it?! But, what I've learnt is that this too shall also well and truly pass – if you let it. Having a good cry about it doesnt mean you've scrapped it all. Or that you need to give up. Ride that wave. Then pick up the pieces and get going again. This life truly is what you make of it.
So this year, I want to challenge myself to being softer with myself about all of this. About being more forgiving of myself in the times I feel like I'm not achieving. To not indulge in any form of self-loathing -which is so easy to do when you've worked your butt off, and yet things don't seem peachy just yet. To really hold on, find strategies to get through tough times without crumbling. And to then truly keep the faith. A tall order perhaps. But worth giving it my all, don't you think?
In fact, Im sure in your life, there's alot that's worth giving it your all for…So what shall it be this year for you?
Also, wow…this turned into a little deeper post than I had intended, but I suppose that's what you get when you're suprised by your own birthday – random ramblings of my mind. Anyhoo, that's what I've put forth – let's see in a year's time how this is all going, shall we? 🙂
Right now, howevver, it's Wednesday evening, I'm just about at home from work, and hubby just pulled up in the driveway, so I have a date with my little family. Sure, we have no extravagant plans for fancy dinners tonight – maybe in the future – BUT, I did promise our girls a night of candle blowing, yummy goodies and fort making. And I don't break my promises. So this is where I sign off, and bid you all a beautiful evening!
ps. the cover photo of this post was taken during these family celebrations of the night – so I guess there is an upside for forgetting to post my post on the day. 🙂 And just for completion sake, here's the original pic that were going to be featured in this post. (Because I'm 37, preggers and happy!!)