Learning to manage my energy
Gone fishing…or whatever else it is that people go do to disconnect and re-energise themselves.
Seriously, folks…I had all good intentions of posting my annual “To Parker-Grace on your birthday” post today- a post I’ve written in my head a thousand times this past month. Each time it sounding so perfect in my head – encapsulating her character, her quirks, the effect she had on us all, and personifying our love for her in a way that only love-drunk mom minds could conjure up…and yet, I couldn’t even get myself to sit down in front of my pc to manifest it into real written word. My brain. Was. Dead. …Is dead. So even my Halloween warm up post- that’s already been written last Wednesday, all the photos captured. Even titled, “Halloween: Almost GAME TIME!” – just sits here in draft. Looking at me like a hungry puppy just waiting for my green signal to “Go!” But I look at that post, and I can’t be sure it’s any good, if it captures anything I want it to capture. It possibly feels like the empty shell I myself am feeling right now.
Then again, for all I know it could be perfectly fine and tell the tale of our buzzing home right and for the past week quite accurately and charmingly. But when I try to review it, all my tired eyes read is “wharp, wharp, wharp, wharp” in that Charlie-Brown teacher-esque way and that’s no help.
So instead I decided to just hold it back. Im not about posting stuff for the sake of posting. This blog of mine is truly something I enjoy pouring my energy into. But recently, I’ve started feeling like that cup from which Im pouring is starting trickle. In fact, as I tried my utmost to truly make my BABY feel special on her third birthday yesterday, I started feeling odd. Like why is this feeling like a lot of effort I’m putting into this. Like I’m really having to TRY – whereas this is normally nothing for me. It was usually with these things, celebration of others, of my loved ones that seemed like I had an endless supply of energy. But as I started to tap the back of that cup, in hopes of getting a few more drops out of it yesterday, I realised I may very well be on empty. And this saddened me.
Saddened me immensely that as it came to my darling little family yesterday, I had actually well and truly starting to run out of energy. The last place I ever want to run out of energy. I feel Im so thinly spread across everything right – all of which is so important in my life. (Both as life necessities and also investments into our future as a family)
I had recently read a status update by a dear woman who is close to my heart, and she spoke of managing not only her time, but also her energy. And how important it is to manage them both, but epseically so with one’s energy. It really was an ah-ha moment for me. I spoke to Mike about it, and spoke of how I realise realistically given our current circumstances, I only have a certain limit of energy…and only now realise that I was a touch reckless in the way that I spent it. And now, I need to find a way to refill that proverbial cup and become wise in the way that I spend it going forward.
This blog will forever remain a positive place of where I will continue to pour my energies into – for one being that I feel it is a good space in which I can contribute to the well-being of others. (even in a small way at best). But until there is actually something to actually pour from that cup, I feel it is wiser for me to take a small break from this blog. And many other things currently in my life –definitely not for distaste thereof, but purely for revival and knowing that I am responsible for my own well-being.
So, it may be a short break – and I come back next Monday. In fact I HOPE it’s just till next week Monday. Or it may be next month. Who knows?! Save of course for one VERY awesome giveaway that Josie and I have for you. (So don’t miss that one!)
Tonight is Halloween, and I can thankfully say all our costume choices are sorted. So, even with flu knocking at my door right now, I know I will be snuggling up with my little costumed-up family tonight. Maybe brave the South Easter a bit for trick-treating and have a whole lots of chill! I look forward to sharing it all with you.
Till next time, take care of yourself, find reasons to celebrate in everyday…and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! X